Knitter in the Twilight Zone!

For those of you who don't knit, I'll just explain what "gauge" is, really quick. Every knitter's "tension" (The tightness or looseness of their hold on the yarn and needles) is different. So a knitting pattern will give the pattern's "gauge" which usually goes something like this: "20 stitches =4 inches" meaning that a swatch should measure 4 inches for every 20 stitches. If you have too many stitches, you need to do it all over again in a bigger size needle so you have less stitches to the inch and vise versa. You keep doing it till you get the right gauge, then you know what size needle to use. This is important for things like sweaters, when you're going to spend ages working on it and you want it to fit. not so important with shawls or hats or mittens.

So I'm going to make my first big-people sweater, and I whip out my size 8s and knit up a swatch. I need 22 stitches over 4 inches. I get 18.5 stitches over 4 inches. I need to go down to 7 and see what happens. It is a fact that size 7s will give me smaller stitches, thus giving me MORE stitches to the inch.

I got 17.5 stitches over 4 inches. I feel like I just broke the law of mathematics or soemthing. The world as I've always known it has crumbled around me.

I texted my friend, Kelli, who is a temperamental knitter and she was most unhelpful in her response:


Kelli: "That sounds like something that would happen to me

(Note her use of the phrase "happen to me" rather than "I would do". This makes me feel better. Like I am a victim, rather than a criminal)

Me: That's not helpful! What should I do?!

Kelli: Well my solution for everything is to throw it in the trash. I wouldn't recommend that.

No, not such a great idea. My solution is to usually stuff it in between the couch cushions or throw it behind the recliner for a few days.

I can't check my gauge again, as I've "lost" the ball of yarn (It's probably in a couch somewhere) and all I have are two retarded swatches and a size 6 needle staring at me in....the twilight zone.